Monday, July 27, 2009

Why Men Hate Twilight


Twilight screams of the late-night fantasies that Stephenie Meyer cooked up while she pretended to sleep next to her spouse. Well what do you expect? She's married! But we all fantasize. It's what you might call a well-known secret. However, the Twilight series is no longer fantasy that belongs to an adult. It has spread to the minds of 12 year old girls and has forced them to believe that they can only be happy if they find and Edward-esque and Jacob-like soulmate...
can you blame them!? Have you read the books!?

BUT that type of lovlieness does not exist and we are forced to settle for the smelly, rude, inconsiderate mortal men. (Do I sound bitter? That's because most of these men have been sent my way! where are the good guys?!)

The story of Edward and Bella is a good one, but with the introduction of the movies, the plot has had a shadow cast over it. Two shadows to be exact. The risky hottness of Edward, and the damn fine-ness of Jacob. (They did a good job picking Taylor Lautner and Rob Pattinson. Thumbs up)
And yes I am among those girls who seem to get grabbed in naughty places everytime I see the two pop up on screen but I have restraint.

The first movie:
The theater swam with the wonton screams and giggles of tweeny-boppers and middle-aged women alike. As the shrill cries went on and the shriveled excuses for boyfriends hung their heads low in embarassment and anger, the movie went on. I was later questioned about what I thought of the orgasmic experience of jumps, flips, bites, and glittering epidermis.
I simply said:
"Everyone one was screaming but I just sat in my seat and got turned on"

So all that kind of sounds like a battlefield right?
It is actually, but a battlefield between men and women, especially those with a boyfriend. Married couples actually enjoy the books together more than non-married couples. Probably because their future is more secure so they might as well make the best of it, plus a bit of role-playing couldn't hurt could it?
But non-married couples have been on the bad end of this series with people dumping people because they're not like Twilight peoples.
I love the books but I draw the line at wanting your FANTASY to be a reality at least when it comes to vampire boy toys. The only real thing to ask for, is that guys could be a little nicer if they're already not nice enough, that's it, and they could bite too, but line drawn.

Boyfriends with low self-esteem shouldn't go to see the movies but the should read the books. Boyfriends with confidence should see the movie if they wish, but confident though they may be, deep down there will be anger, because when it comes to nudity, both sexes think the same way. It appears as if there will be a bit of ab-showing in New Moon, and when that first V-curve makes it's way to the screen, every girl, single or taken, loud or not, is going to be thinking of what they would want to do to a body like that.

My best friend doesn't want to go to the midnight showing to avoid all the screaming girls that may drown out the actors speaking, I didnt want to go to the midnight showing of Twilight because I didnt want to deal with too many people at the time. Even when we went to see it a week later, the theater was packed with screaming, giggling vaginas, it felt like a midnight showing. No difference so I'll be going to the midnight showing.

And if by chance we're in the same theater, you'll know you're sitting next to me because I won't be screaming, I won't be "eeeking"
I'll be the grown up girl whispering "what yo name is?" to the screen.

2 comments:

  1. I love your interpretation of the male mind. In a lot of ways you are not wrong. What do they know? They don't even know what they want. Guys will be that way unless they are conditioned to think otherwise. Stay away from guys with a lot of guy friends. Find guys that hang out with more girls then guys, because guys in large numbers are just bad influences.

    The same can be said for girls. Girls with too many girlfriends are just as bad.

    There is something about people in large numbers. They aren't capable of making good relationship decisions for themselves or any decision for that matter. They ask what their friends think, and then it's all over.

    And Twilight. You know I'm a huge fan. What's that say about me? Put it this way, I don't have a lot of guy friends. I mean I do, but I don't hang out with them a lot, because they do too many things that I find...um, man-whorish. lol

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  2. True guys get very bang-bro when their friends are mostly male, they definitely don't tune into the female mind that much. And absolutely true for girls, when we're around all our ladies, don't we seem to turn into man haters all at the same time!? lol man-whorish!?

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